


Sin City

by btown09



Category: Despicable Me (Movies), Incredibles (Pixar Movies), Madagascar (Movies), Minions (2015), Moana (2016), Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure (Cartoon), Tangled (2010), The Lorax (2012), Toy Story (Movies)
Genre: Accepting Homosexuality, Drunk Sex, Drunkenness, Las Vegas, M/M, Reconciliation, Retracing steps, Rough Sex, Sex Tape, denying homosexuality, drunk vegas wedding, fight, morning hangover, run over by car
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:15:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25161493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/btown09/pseuds/btown09
Summary: Friends Eugene Fitzherbert and Once-ler Wiggins decide to take their weekend vacation to Las Vegas they'll never. It turned into a trip they'll never remember.
Relationships: Eugene Fitzherbert & Once-ler
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	1. Enter Sin City

_Inspired by many crazy Las Vegas fanfics, movies and tv episodes, specifically the drunk Vegas wedding cliché, here's my take on a crossover fanfic with Eugene and Once-ler. Enjoy!_

* * *

It was dusk on a summer Thursday. Chief of police Eugene Fitzhrebert, who other cops nicknamed "Flynn Rider," and creator and owner of Thneeds Inc. Once-ler Wiggins, or "The Once-ler" for the company elitists, both in their early twenties, rode in Eugene's car from Utah to Nevada, specifically Sin City itself: Las Vegas. They were almost there.

"Sin City," smiled Eugene. "Can you believe it? I can't believe you've never _been_ there before."

" _I_ still can't believe you've convinced to take a vacation in Vegas of all places," Once-ler sighed. "Heard of a lot of fucked up stuff there, especially with a lot of booze involved."

"Three days of convincing," the chief nudged to him. "But I'm glad you came around. Besides, you deserve to have a vacation for once . Too much work will take a toll on you if you don't."

"As do you," the thneed creator said. "But you especially need it the most, considering you risking your life for everyone."

"Thanks, buddy. There's one stop we need to make first." They made a stop at the signature flashing Welcome sign. "A selfie at the Welcome sing."

"Is a selfie at the sign really necessary?" Once-ler asked chuckling as they stepped out of the car. "Why not in the city itself?"

"A lot of people take pictures at the sign!" gleamed Eugene as he slipped out his cellphone.

Turning the camera on, they positioned themselves for a better angle with the camera. At the right spot, they were about to wrap their arms around each other shoulders but stop and silently flinched a bit after thinking their employees will get the wrong ideas if they see it that way. Tonight, instead of their usual police uniform and styling green suite, Eugene was wearing brown khaki shorts with dark blue t-shirt and Once-ler was wearing gray khaki shorts with a white t-shirt. They smiled as Eugene flashed the camera. After the pic, they stepped into the car.

"Next stop," cheered Eugene. "Las Vegas!" And they drove off into the faint flashing lights of the city.

* * *

At last, Viva Las Vegas! It wasn't anything new to Eugene since he dealt with criminals from Vegas that try to leave the state, but he's been here for R&R from time to time. It was, however, all new to Once-ler. The sights of neon lights flashing from hotels, casinos, bars and entertainment shows; the sounds from music and slot machines in the buildings to cheering and laughing from tourists stumbling from being wasted with booze they've consumed in their yard cups heard from Eugene's side window opened. That's what he hoped would never happen.

"What's our first stop?" Once asked.

"We'll need to book at a hotel first," replied Eugene as they drove through the city. "It's been a long drive."

* * *

Inside the Bally's Las Vegas hotel, the men relaxed in their room: The Executive Suite. It had a huge bed, HD TV, fancy shower, and a tub Eugene was relaxing in for a while, which was right next to the bed Once-ler was resting in with his blue pjs with the yellow rabbits on them.

"Very nice room, Once," Eugene said as he got out wrapping a towel around him and headed into the bathroom.

"I would've picked the finest room," Once-ler boasted out loud. "However, since there's two of us, so there's no need." He smiled to himself, but it slowly faded thinking of the tipsy tourists.

After coming out of the bathroom, changed into a dark green pjs, Eugene noticed his friend was in thought with concern. "What's wrong?"

"It's about what I mentioned about crazy stories in the city with booze," he sighed. "We won't do something stupid after drinking, would we? I mean, it's not like I've never drank before but-"

"Hey, buddy," Eugene assured as he sat beside him. "If you ever want to stop when you have too much, don't hesitate to let me know."

Once smiled lightly. "And I'll do the same for you if it's too much for you."

"Excuse me?" Eugene bragged. "I've dealt with homicidal maniacs, murderers, drug dealers. _That's_ crazy shit. Nothing's too much for me these days."

Once-ler couldn't help but chuckle at that remark. "That's true."

Eugene walk to the curtains and closed them. The men were about to tuck under the sheets, but Eugene stopped at midpoint. "Now, two guys sleeping in the same bed: there's nothing wrong about it, is it? And it doesn't make us look gay, does it?"

"Oh, nothing at all and not at all" answered Once-ler with affirmation. "And nothing unmanly about it. No, sir."

"Not that there's anything wrong with being gay," Eugene tried to defend. "I have no problem with that."

"Oh, me neither."

The men finally tucked themselves in before Once turned off the lights and they drifted off the sleep. They'll need the rest for the vacation of their lives.


	2. Drinks on Me

Friday was all theirs! This time, Eugene wore dark red shorts white brighter red t-shirt and Once-ler was wearing black shorts with green t-shirt. Their exploring of the Las Vegas Strip began. First, they went to Caesar's Palace to view The Fall of Atlantis at the Forum Shop. Then, they had a great view the whole strip in the Farris wheel at LINQ Promenade.

They had scary yet adrenaline-filled fun on the rides at Adventuredome. The boat ride at Venetian's canals was relaxing. At Hershey's Chocolate World and M&M World, they purchased all the chocolate they can pack for their weekend stay in their suite cases back at their hotel room.

* * *

It was now early nighttime. The boys decided to head inside the Dorsey Cocktail Bar to unwind for tonight.

"I have to admit, Eugene," Once-ler smiled. "But today was very fun."

"What did I tell you?" Eugene bragged. "And that's just the tip of the iceberg." Then he got serious. "Now, if you don't want any alcohol-"

"Eugene," assured Once, cutting him off. "It's like you've said: tip of the iceberg. It's only the first night."

Eugene was surprised by his friend's confidence building up. "Now you're talking. Which poison can you handle?"

Once-ler thought for a moment as they sat down near the bar stand. "Vodka would be nice."

"I'm a whiskey guy myself," said Eugene.

A bartender came to them. "How can I help you, gentlemen?"

"You have any vodka and whiskey recipes?" Fitzherbert asked.

"You'll find them right here?" the bartender replied handing them the menu.

After a minute of looking over it, they decided their poison. "One narrator and one easy street, please," answered Once-ler.

"Coming right up," the bartender smirked.

"By the way," asked Wiggins. "When we mentioned about this being the first night: what more will we see?"

"Much more," answered Eugene.

The bartender placed their drinks on the stand. "Your drinks, boys." They said their thanks and grabbed their drinks. They raised them up for a toast. "To the first day in Last Vegas," said the thneed creator. "And to more days on our vacation," replied the cop, and they guzzled them down to savor every drop.

"As I said" interrupted Eugene. "We will see more. There are even historic and attractive sights outside the Strip."

"Like what?"

"Downtown Las Vegas, hot spots named after other places, famous cliffs and canyons..."

* * *

Three cups, they still chatted away.

"I never told this to anyone," said Eugene shyly. "But do you really know how I really got the name 'Flynn Rider?'"

"No, what?" Once asked.

He made a come closer gesture to the tall man and he scooted towards him. "I really got that name from a crazy girl named Stalyan," he whispered. "My ex."

"Is it because you rock in the sheets?" Wiggins joked. "Because she must be missing out."

"Actually," he said hesitantly. "She let me get to ride her motorcycle from time to time. It was fun at first, but then she really gave out bad, passive aggressive vibes. You're the first person to know this."

"You've dodged a bullet, man," he assured, patting his shoulder.

* * *

After their fifth drinks, they were laughing their hearts out.

"One of my staff is so uptight about going to Vegas," laughed Eugene. "He believes if you go there, you'd consume almost every type of drug known to civilized man since 1544 A.D! Can you believe that shit?!"

"He doesn't sound as uptight about it as my mom," giggled Once-ler. "She told me if you go, you'd be face down in a ditch with a meth head butt-fucking your corpse!"

They laughed out loud til they were in tears, banging their firsts on the stand.

"Wh-where do people come with these bat-shit stories?" chuckled Eugene, catching his breath.

Once-ler wiped the tears from his eyes. "Who knows?"

* * *

They left the bar after their six cup. The bartender had to kick them out, telling them they were beginning to attract too much attention from their very loud conversation. Thankfully they told him they can walk to their hotel, so they weren't driving.

Their drinks weren't heavy, but they were starting to sway just from standing alone, so they had to hold on to each other.

"Where to first, officer?" joked the thneed inventor.

"Who the hell cares where?" grinned the cop, gesturing the city with his free arm. "Sin City is our oyster!" Then he turned to him. "And this first-time experience for you will be your pearl."

This really touched him. "That was deep, Eugene." He suddenly hugged him. "Thank you, man." He then faced him. "I'm glad you've taught me into going here."

"Why wouldn't I?" Eugene gasped. "You're my best friend."

They walked down the busy sidewalk. " _I'm_ _your_ best friend, too, right?" Eugene asked.

Once-ler smiled. "Very best."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some lines are from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and The Hangover.


	3. The Morning After

Faint bright light and music began to stir Eugene from his sleep. He slowly opened his eyes to adjust the light, which seem too bright to him because the window was half opened and The Cramps' _Fever_ was playing somewhere in the bedroom. It was already daylight, but it was night the last thing he remembered. As his blurry vision began to clear up, he noticed they weren't in the right hotel room. The white and brown bed were now red and brown. The white curtains were now deep red. There was a classic wooden wardrobe closet, matching desk and the tub was gone. Feeling an arm resting on his chest, he turned to head to see Once-ler was asleep as well, snoring away and his black hair wildly ruffled.

Not wanting to wake him up yet, he slowly lifted his arm and gently slid out of the bed, which was already making his aching head feel like a jackhammer is going straight through his skull, making him rub the sides of his head and he couldn't help having a strange, musky taste in his mouth, and it was more than alcohol. Plus, he also felt very sore all over his body, especially the pelvis area: front and back. He suddenly felt chilly, too, and what he saw took him by surprise: he was completely naked! On the floor was their boxers. He also noticed something red and straight-lined welts on his chest. _Are those scratch marks?_ he thought.

He noticed Once-ler's iPod connected to an iPod stereo on a nightstand and pressed pause to stop the music. He tried to turn on their cells on the desk, but they were both dead. He also noticed a camera connected to a wire by the couch at the opened window, and when he walked to it a pulled the wire, there was a projector at the other end of it. Despite the nasty, groggy feeling, he walked to the bed to wake his friend.

"Once-ler," he lightly called, shaking his shoulder. "Once-ler, wake up." He snorted his last snore until he was stirred up by the movement. For some reason, his body and mind felt like a mess. He moaned and slowly rose himself up like a zombie.

"Eugene?" he asked mumbling. He tried to adjust his vision of the bright light, but that was no help for his head. He held his forehead with one hand and groaned from the pain. It felt like his head was being squeezed by a vice. He also grimaced at the strange taste in his mouth and it wasn't just booze. He studied his surrounding and noticed they're not in their hotel room. "Where are we?"

"I have no idea, man." Eugene remarked. "I just woke up."

He was about to get up. "What happened?" However, he hissed in pain as he, too, felt sore all over him, but his pelvic area was sore the most.

"Are you alright?" the cop asked in concern.

"No," he frowned. "I'm in so much pain right now."

"Yeah, me, too."

He noticed his cop friend's birthday suit, brunette hair disheveled, and welts. "A-and why are you naked? And what scratched you?"

"Like I said," he reiterated. "I have no idea."

The sheets felt different from the last until he realized something: it felt like he was naked. He peeked under the sheets and his realization was confirmed: He _is_ naked! He slowly faced him. "Why am _I_ naked?" he asked raising his voice.

He could clearly see he was about to freak out. "Okay, buddy, relax. Let's not jump to conclusions." he said, trying to calm down. "I've dealt with heavily drunk people before. They believe whatever they believe happened the night before based their or first sights, despite clearly wasted. Whether wasted or not, if there's one thing I've learned as a police officer, always look for evidence."

This eased him a bit. "You're right," he breathed, trying to calm down. "But first, we need to find our clothes." He finally got out of bed, despite the soreness.

Fighting through that and the overall nastiness and headaches, they both placed their boxers and looked in the wardrobe, but there weren't any of their clothes. They looked in the bathroom in the hall next to the closet. There was a luxurious tub, shower, sink and a toilet down another hall, but no sign of their clothes whatsoever. They stepped out of their room and in the hall, a path of clothes with white crusty stains scattered on the floor: a white, sheathe, satin dress torn from the middle a matching white garter, a long pair of white fine gloves, a black pair of fine pants, a fine white shirt, the top of the black tux ripped opened due to some of the buttons scattered, a tie, a fine black shoes, a pair of white pumps, and a white bridal veil. Those clothes mean someone got married.

"There must've been newlyweds having a fun time last night," Eugene joked.

"We must've been so drunk, we got into their room by mistake," Once-ler thought. "They must be out cold if they've been drinking, since we were in the bedroom."

They first went through the hallway to the second bathroom, then four more, but there was no sign of a couple and no clothes for the boys in hampers. In two more bedrooms: nothing. In every closet: no luck and still no clothes. In the main room: squat, but instead, there were white roses scattered all over along with stacks of hundred-dollar bills from an open suitcase and marriage certificate. The items on the wooden table were tossed to the side like mad and in its place were two trophies with the same stains as the wedding clothes: one shaped like a microphone and one shaped like a stripper pole. There was satchel on the couch with their credit cards on one of the cushions. There were also two bottles of wine: one half-filled with white wine and a bottle of red wine clearly smashed on the wall due to the shattered glass on the floor and a large burgundy stain on the white wall. They saw a kitchen and looked to find them, but no lovebirds. The bar and dining room: no newlyweds.

"It looks like we're the only one's here," Eugene shrugged. He suddenly rubbed his is nauseous, aching stomach and grimaced. "There goes the nausea."

"That's strange," said the thneed creator, confused. "It usually happens to m-" He was cut off when he felt the same thing as he clutched his stomach. "Never mind," he moaned. It gurgled and he felt vomit coming up his throat fast. Clutching his mouth, he ran in the kitchen and spewed loudly in the sink, with Eugene more nauseous at the sound. After rinsing his mouth with water and walking out, he the thneed creator asked, "Puke isn't supposed to be yellowish white, right?" Yep, he was this close to puking at that question but fought it off.

Eugene was on his detective work. "We'll find the missing couple," he said picking up the certificate and reading. "And ask the receptionist's the whereabo-" He stopped and was stiff as a board, which Once noticed. "What is it?" he asked. No answer. "Eugene?" he warned. "What is it?" Eugene finally faced him and tried to smile, which he was failing miserably. "About...the certificate..." was all he could say, fearing his friend's reaction. Once-ler jolted, quickly walked next to him and looked at the paper. The color was draining from his face. He'd expected one of their friends' name or even strangers'. However, written on the certificate was Eugene's and his name, and it was in their writing! To top it all off, Once-ler's last name was written _Once-ler Fitzherbert!_

"Eugene," he said with whispering horror in his voice. "We didn't-"

They slowly turned their heads down and rose their left hands. They hoped there would be nothing, but how wrong they were! On each of their ring fingers, there was something shining. Eugene's was solid gold and thick and Once-ler's was a matching one, but thinner with a diamond on it. They were indeed rings! The tux, dress, paper, rings: They instantly put two and two together!

Once-ler was bone white! "Eugene..."

Eugene was still processing it. Too quickly. "No..."

"We're married."

"No." He began to panic!

"We married each other." His voice was raising, and his heartbeat was getting rapid staring at his ring!

"No, no, no, no." He slowly dropped to his knees, eyeing at _his_ ring again!

"We got married!" He was close to hyperventilating!

"Shit, shit, shit." He was palming himself in his face!

Now he was clearly freaking out! "We're fucking married!" Then his eyes turned into saucers! **"And we had sex!"**

Eugene tried to reason with him. "Wait a minute, now," he proclaimed. "We don't know if we banged each other."

"Then how did we _both_ end up naked in bed?!"

"I don't know," he replied honestly. "But the last thing we want to do is jump to conclusions. Who know what we did last night? Besides, there's no way in hell they'd let us get married while wasted, is there?"

"Well, with the certificate and rings," he shouted, shoving his ring almost to Eugene's face and lifting his wrist to show his now partner's ring. "I don't think they gave a damn!" He was pacing himself back and forward. "I can't believe I've let my guard down," he muttered in dismay.

Eugene suddenly remembered something! "Wait! They shouldn't let us tie the knot while we're drunk. They had to make sure we were both sober to marry. It's the law." Once-ler stopped pacing as his cop buddy gave him a silver lining. "Considering it's easy to marry in Vegas and with a lot of people getting drunk and wanting to marry, there are people who simply allow drunk couples to marry or scammers taking advantage of them, especially since there are chapels in the number here. If it's a scam, we can have someone arrested. If the wedding was real, the marriage can be annulled if we prove we were incompetent to what we were doing."

This got him relaxed, but still miffed. "Incompetent?" He asked with a snark. "I don't even remember going to a chapel or anything else after leaving Dorsey. Do you?"

"Me neither," He admitted. "All a blur. Thankfully we can prove our incompetence since we were both drunk. First, we'll get new clothes, head to-" He read the certificate again. "Wedding Salons at Wynn and see if it's legitimate or not. We'll need to get the other clothes back on."

Did Once-ler really heard that? "You're kidding, right?"

"Have any better options?"

He run his hand in his hair in defeat. Of course, he didn't.

Suddenly, something was coming up Eugene's throat, too. "Hold on," he moaned running to the sink and, like Once-ler, lost his lunch. Once tried not to look or especially puke again from the mere sound of it.

* * *

They were now in the elevator. Eugene was able to fit in the tuxedo with ease. Once-ler, however, was in his torn-up dress with one glove tying the top of it. When they finally reached the first floor, it took every strength to hide their embarrassment as they walked out. There were a lot of looks from guests, housekeepers, and bellhops. Some looked confused, whispered, some stifled their laughs but others flat-out giggled or laughed. Some guest even pretended to make doggy style sex to mock them. No doubt they were already assuming things. How humiliating!

They stopped at the receptionist's desk and they were greeted with a very confused look on her face, lips loopy as she tried no to grin. "Enjoyed your honeymoon?"

"Yeah, I know," Eugene waved off. "We look ridiculous. Listen, do you know where we can find Wynn?"

"And the closest place to find better clothes?" Once-ler asked.

"You're in luck boys," she smiled. "We have a shopping center here, including men's clothing, which is a short walk. As for Wynn, you leave, take a turn, walk for almost half an hour and you'll see Wynn."

"Thank you so much," said Once-ler with relief.

"And sorry for the crazy getup," said Eugene, gesturing the mess.

"Oh, no worries, guys," she assured. "I've seen crazier."

They waved their goodbyes and went on their way, but the receptionist couldn't help but giggle. "That wasn't the only crazy getup they gave last night," she mumbled.


	4. Drunk Champs

After shopping for new clothes, which is a red t-shirt, brown khakis and white shoes for Eugene and orange t-shirt, yellow khakis and green shoes for Once-ler, returning to the wreck of their room and gathering the items, Eugene and Once-ler checked out of the hotel and walked out on their way. There was no luck finding a charger, so they had to get back to their original hotel to charge their cells. During their walk, they were greeted by two men making blowjob gestures at them, but most of all, they were greeted by more women than men. Some giggled and a few flirted. Even while they shopped for clothes earlier, a couple smiled at them: a man gave them a thumbs-up and a woman giggled. Honestly, they didn't know what was going on.

The silence between them was more deafening than the city noise. Ten minutes went by and they to a bar/karaoke club with the same address as the one engraved at the bottom of the mic trophy. Inside, there were only a few people and one person singing on the mic as they went to the bar stand to see the bartender, who was very tan, curly black hair, shirtless, ripped, tattoos all over his arms and chest, and wearing leak skirt under his green shorts.

"Excuse me," Eugene called out to the bartender, making him turn. "If you can help us, can you-"

The bartender guffawed loudly, which spooked them both, and he came up and gave Eugene a strong bear hug, nearly squeezing the breath out of him! "You crazy bastard!" He laughed. "There's my favorite champion!"

"Champion?" Once-ler asked.

"Oh what?" Eugene asked through his strained voice from the hug.

"Of the chug and sing!" The bartender exclaimed releasing Eugene from his hug.

"What's chug and sing?" asked Eugene.

"And we were here?" Once-ler asked.

"You two came in here a little wasted last night chatting away." He pointed to Eugene. "And you wanted to sing at the stage. I hosted a chug and sing competition before you guys came here, which is to sing on key while drunk, and you accepted it and you won! Don't you remember?"

"No." Eugene said bluntly.

The bartender was now confused. "You really don't?"

"We don't remember anything from last ni-" An image suddenly popped in Once-ler's head! "Wait a minute," he pondered. "I _do_ remember seeing a stage."

It was flooding in Eugene's head, too! "Yeah, and I heard a lot of singing. Some very terribly."

"You two also had a few shots of tequila."

It came back to Eugene. "I _now_ do remember ordering shots."

"I now remember seeing the first two shots," Once-ler said, memories flooding in him. "After that, it's all blurry."

"Same here."

"Well, I had a change to record the competition," the bartender said pulling out his cellphone. "Hopefully, this will refresh your memory." He clicked on the video and gave it to the men to hold.

* * *

 _An altered version of Jefferson Airplanes'_ Somebody To Love _was blasting on the speakers, yellow lights were bright, and during the instrumental part of the song, Eugene took three shots of tequila from the table in front of him with one hand and a mic in the other and he began to sing again._

When the garden flowers

Baby, are dead, yes

And your mind, your mind

is so full of red

_Then the background singers began to sing with him_

Don't you want somebody to love?

Don't you need somebody to love?

Wouldn't you love somebody to love

You better find somebody to love

_The bartender at the stand nudged happily at Once-ler. "That guy can really sing great while drunk, am I right?"_

_Once-ler, already surrounded by six empty shots, laughed with a little slur as he was watching. "Are you kidding? He can even sing in his sleep!"_

Your eyes, I say your eyes may look like his

Yeah but in your head, baby

I'm afraid you don't know where it is

Don't you want somebody to love?

Don't you need somebody to love?

Wouldn't you love somebody to love

You better find somebody to love

_Soon, Eugene took four more shots as the crowd cheered on for him_

Tears are running

They're all running down your breast

And your friends, baby

They treat you like a guest

Don't you want somebody to love?

Don't you need somebody to love?

Wouldn't you love somebody to love

You better find somebody to love

_One background singer shouted, "Looks like we've got tonight's champ, Maui!" Maui ran to the stage and handed Eugene a trophy in the shape of a mic. "Ladies and gentlemen," called out the bartender. "Tonight's chug and sing champion!"_

_Once-ler ran to the stage and hugged him as he laughed with joy! "Way to go, man!" He then turned to the stage! "That's my best friend, people!"_

* * *

"Wow." That was all Once could say, baffled. "I had no idea you can still sing perfectly while drunk."

Eugene was still taking the video in. He was flattered by the complements yet embarrassed by the amount of tequila he quickly consumed. "Look, I'm impressed by that, too, and I'll admit I didn't know I could do that, but we didn't cause any trouble before or after that, did we?"

"Oh, none at all," Maui chortled. "Thankfully, you told me you can walk, or I'd call the cab. You two _did_ had a friendly fight over who can still sing while drunk. Nothing serious. " He now pointed to Once-ler. "In fact, it was _you_ who challenged him to enter the competition in the first place." Both were taken by surprise by that!

"Me?"

"Him?"

"That's right, and thanks to you, your friend became champ."

They both turned to each other, not knowing how to respond. "Thanks, I guess?" Eugene asked confused. All Once could do was shrug in confusion and turn to Maui. "Thank you for helping out."

"What can I say except your welcome."

* * *

The two men continued their way. Ten more minutes later, they stopped by at another bar, which was also a pole dancing club. Thankfully, the second trophy has the address engraved at the bottom as well. The two pole stages were closed but the bar was still open. The bartender was as skinny and tall as Once-ler, but he had brunette hair, sideburns, and a mullet. His clothes were like Once-ler's green suite, excluding tailcoat and top hat and his gloves are black and shorter.

"Excuse us, sir," Once-ler called out as they sat at the seats, which can spin. "Can you please help u-"

The bartender turned and smiled. "Well, if it isn't the panty dropper himself." He high-fived Once-ler so hard, he was spinning on the seat until he slowed down as he tried not to lose his lunch again from his hangover close to dying down.

Eugene couldn't believe his ears! "Him?" he asked, chuckling. "Panty dropper?"

"Scarlet, babe!" the man called out to the side.

"Yes, Herb?" a woman called from a room by one of the tables.

"It's the pole dancing champ from last night!"

Coming out of the room was a woman with long black gloves that matched her bouffant hair and stilettos and a red dress. "Well, I never thought I'd see this familiar face again," she smiled as she walked towards the stand and placed a tray on it. "What brings you here?"

"Is it true Once pole-danced here?" asked Eugene.

"Yeah," Scarlet said. "Your friend really put on a show?"

"You guys don't remember?" asked Herb.

"Nothing," replied Once-ler. "We're trying to retrace our steps. Last thing we remember was tequila shots at another bar and six more at a bar before that."

"We know," said Scarlet. "We could smell it on you two a bit, but it wasn't strong."

"Man," Herb laughed. "You two must've been really sloshed last night. You see, every Friday, we host pole dancing contests. I host guys night out."

"And I host ladies night out," said Scarlet. "Which was last night. We do one dancer at a time before the champ is chosen. One of the customers is my friend and she recorded it and sent us a copy of the video."

Herb pulled out his cellphone and clicked on the video. "Check this out." He placed the phone on the stand for them to view.

* * *

 _The stereo was blasting Def Leppard's_ Pour Some Sugar on Me _and the ladies were going nuts as the magenta lights glowed about! Once-ler was dancing and clung to the pole like a tiger on the prowl to the beat! He slowly slid into a back arch._

_"More?" he shouted through the music with a flirty smile._

_"More! More! More!" the girls chanted._

_He slid up and posed into a flamingo. Then he was spinning while doing the front hook and stopped at a back hook! His pole dancing was as sleek, limber, and feminine as a girl pole dancer! The ladies squealed and giggled as they had their drinks._

_"More?"_

_"More! More! More!"_

_He spun his legs to spin while doing the Allegra! Good thing the stage was wide enough. Otherwise, he could've kicked someone with his long legs. He stopped spinning to slid into bumslide to splits!_

_"More?!"_

**_"MORE!"_ **

_He slid his upper body up with his legs strength and was spinning around while doing the fan kick! He stopped and posed into the basic invert and winked at the blushing girls in the front row! As the song was ending, he spun one last time and posed into a teddy cleaver!_

_The girls were now screaming! Some took of their panties and threw them at the stage. Even the first redhead muscular pole dancer competitor was impressed!_

_"It's unanimous, Scarlet!" called another girl customer. Scarlet walked up to the stage and handed him a trophy shaped like the pole. "Ladies," she announced. "Our ladies night pole dancing champion!"_

_Eugene ran up to the stage and gave him a bear hug. "I can't believe you can do that!" he shouted through the screaming girls. Now he was slurring a bit. "While you're not even a bit sober!"_

_Once-ler rose his trophy in the air! "Kim Kardashian, eat your heart out!"_

* * *

Eugene eyes looked flabbergasted but tried to ease the tension with a joke. "Looks like your yoga classes paid off."

Once-ler was at a loss of words. He didn't know whether to be impressed or embarrassed. He would imagine it once in a blue moon, but he wouldn't dream of doing it.

"You were the first male pole dancer to have the most panties dropped," Herb winked.

Scarlet pointed to Eugene. "If _you_ haven't challenged him to do it when you came in, he wouldn't have won the contest."

The men were now starting to see a pattern. "I did the same thing to him at the bar before yours during a chug and sing karaoke contest," said Once.

"And if you hadn't told us you'd walk," added Scarlet. "We would've called a taxi for you guys."

He was a little skeptical about their drunken talents. "We didn't do or say anything stupid before or after that, did we?"

"Besides arguing whether you would do the pole dance," said Herb. "Plenty of peace between you guys."

"Well, thanks for helping us out, anyway," Eugene said as he and Once left.

"Anytime, boys," called Scarlet.

"Hope to see you crazy cats again, man" Herb called out.


	5. Dearly Drunken Beloved

The men were still processing the videos they've seen as they were walking. It was both ridiculous and impressive. Who knows how many views they were getting if it was uploaded on the internet. As usual, they've been getting a few sexual remarks from the people walking by. Now they were really getting anxious what it was all about for they didn't know why they were doing these things.

"I can't believe we did that while we were drunk," said Once-ler. "Let alone be capable of do all that."

" _I_ can't believe we can be so competitive to each other when drunk," Eugene iterated.

Thirteen final minutes went by and the finally met the destination. It was the enormous silver building with a golden shine. It was also shaped like a curved paper.

"There is it," Once sighed anxiously. "Wynn."

* * *

They were inside the Wedding Salons at last. Honestly, they would expect it to be cheap and tacky: A few cheap chairs, and Elvis impersonator, a little veil tossed aside, or even a drive-through chapel. However, it was opposite. It was all white, gold and elegant, pictures of white flowers and a fine chandelier, and that's at the reception alone. That must explain why the rings they're wearing were gorgeous. At the reception was a woman brunette pixie cut hair, gray striped collar shirt and black legging-like pants with white lines on them. Her work tag said her name was Evelyn. "How can I help you, gentlemen," she asked politely.

"Hi," said Once-ler. "Do you know if we came here last night?"

Eugene pulled out the certificate from the satchel. "We woke in a wrong hotel completely hungover and found this certificate and we were wearing rings, but we don't remember going here. We want to know if we really were married here last night."

"I only do the daytime shifts, so I don't know," she replied. "Maybe whoever performed the ceremony will know." She dialed on the phone. "What're your names by the way?"

"Once-ler Wiggins."

"Eugene Fitzherbert."

"Thank you."

They waited anxiously as she gave whoever was on the other line the info they gave her. They hoped someone was unaware about sober wedding law or it was all an elaborate prank. After a few minutes, she hung up. "There _is_ someone who performed the ceremony last night. You'll meet him in the Lilac Salon. Go through the foyer and head to your right."

Obviously, there were a little worried about that answer, but they didn't show. "Thank you so much," called Eugene as they walked away.

"My pleasure, boy," Evelyn replied.

During their walk, once out of the woman's sight, Once-ler was really beginning to worry. "Someone did married us off," he whispered trying not to yell, even though we was freaking. "That means it's real."

"Maybe the person doesn't know about the law about being sober while married," Eugene tried to reason whispering as well. "We don't know that yet."

Once the walked through the hall and made a right, they made their way to the chapel. Just like at the reception, it was small but fine and elegant: paintings, fake flowers, lights, chandeliers and all. They sat at the front of the soft white pews and waited. A few minutes later, a fat balding man with glasses, brunette mustache and goatee came in wearing a white tuxedo and carrying a silver book and a DVD. "Well, if it isn't last nights newlyweds," he laughed.

 _Newlyweds?_ Once-ler mouthed at Eugene, eyes filled with anxiety. Eugene couldn't help but worry a little himself, but he tried to keep a brave face.

"I've been informed that you two want to know if you got married here last night, right?" Al asked.

"That's right," said Eugene. "We found the certificate and rings this morning."

"And in the wrong hotel really hungover," Once-ler butted in. "Neither of us have no memory of being here last night."

Al just stared at them confused but still smiling. "You really don't remember nothing?" They both nodded. He chuckled hardly. "You both came in here with your own newly bought fine wedding clothes." He pointed to Eugene. "You carried a tuxedo and a new purse."

"It's a satchel, actually," Fitzherbert informed with a little embarrassment from the remark and the detail about him.

Al then pointed to Once-ler. "And you carried a dress. Gloves, veil, pumps and all." Once-ler couldn't help but run his hand through his hair in embarrassment.

"The receptionists working the night shift said that you two rushed in here, already hammered, saying that you two really wanted to get married. You two ordered a wedding package and rushed into the dressing room. I'll show you."

The men followed him down another hall and into another room. It looked like any other hotel room, but next to the night stand was a large, three-sided mirror. The old man stood while the young men sat on the bed.

"If you two don't believe me..." Al said as he hesitantly handed Eugene the silver book. He opened it and the two were in for a surprise! It was a scrapbook!

In it was indeed a photo of them! Eugene was in his fine tuxedo. He was holding a bottle of white wine in one hand and his other arm wrapped around Once-ler's shoulder as he was flipping his ring finger, flexing his golden ring. Once-ler was wearing the wedding dress, pumps, white gloves and veil. He was holding a bouquet of white roses and a bottle of red wine in one hand and his other arm was wrapped around Eugene's shoulder, and he was flipping his ring finger as well, showing off his diamond ring.

"Wha-" Eugene was too stunned for words.

"Yeah," Al grimaced through his smile. "You guys ordered wine while changing in the dressing room."

The cop turned the page to see another picture. They were kissing in a pose similar to the V-Day kiss, but their arms were wrapped around each other with Once-ler still holding the flowers. The wine bottles were being held by Al. The photo next to it revealed them feeding each other a slice of a two-tier wedding cake with their bare hands and their mouths smeared all over with it. That explains why their puke was the same color as the cake. Once-ler though he was going to be sick and he's got a sweet tooth. Eugene could've sworn he burped up a taste of the cake out of queasiness.

"You really pigged out on the cake," the bald man laughed lightly. "While french kissing in it."

The photo in the next page was now sideways. It was true. Eugene's arms were wrapped around Once-ler and Once-ler's hands were all over Eugene's cheeks as they were on the now broken table and smothered in the cake. They were lip-locking despite their very messy mouths and cheeks.

The thneed inventor was definitely going to be sick now as he turned green. "Oh, God."

It took every strength for Fitzherbert not to throw up again.

"If you still don't believe me," he reiterated as he opened a DVD case, turned on the TV, popped in the disk in the DVD player and dropped the case on the bed. "You should see the DVD. A copy was sent to your hotel." He pressed 'play.'

"DVD?" They both asked with dread. Once took the cover and it was the picture of the first photo they saw, but with a heart on it and wedding bells on top of it. This was bad!

* * *

 _A cameraman was filming. Eugene was waiting in the chapel as Al was in the middle of it holding a bible. He placed their wine bottles at the side of his feet safekeeping them for them. Fitzherbert was blushing and swaying from the drunkenness. The pianist was on the far right side of the chapel and when she saw the hall, she began to play the beginning of_ Here Comes the Bride _.  
_

_The other couples in waiting, both straight and gay, stepped aside as Once-ler was slowly trying to walk down the aisle. He did looked stunning in the bridal attire and flowers he was holding, they'll admit deep down, but the walk was far from easy for he was drunk. He at a few points swayed to his sides and had to hold himself for balance on one of the pews. He was even giggling at one point. Despite all that, Eugene couldn't help but tear up from joy at the sight._

_"Isn't-" Eugene sniffled. "Isn't he beautiful?"_

_"I thought the bride cries at weddings," Al joked as the men gathered their bottles. He then cleared his throat to begin. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join these two men in holy matrimony."  
_

_The men were Eskimo kissing each other and giggling after almost bumping their noses a little too hard. Then_ _Once-ler took a swig of his wine._

_The priest turned to Eugene. "Eugene Fitzherbert, do you take this young, uh... man to be your lawfully wedded husband," he said that last word hesitantly out of confusion. "In sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, for better or for worse for as long as you both shall live?"_

_"Do I?" Eugene slurred. "I've known this guy since we've reached puberty. He's the only guy I can rely on. If I can have any guy on Earth, I'd pick him on the spot. He's sweet, talented, optimistic. Not to mention gorgeous to boot." He pointed to his face. "Look at him," he grinned. "How could you not love this baby face?" Once couldn't help but blush at his words. No one could know if it was from glee or being sloshed.  
_

_"Excuse me," a groom called out from behind, making the couple turn._

_The other couples were getting impatient. Some tapped their toes, some looked at their watches, and others had their hands on their hips. "There are other knots to tie here," called a bride._

_"Hold your horses!" he shouted, and they faced the priest again as Eugene took a swig of_ his _wine._

_Al now faced Once-ler. "Once-ler Wiggins, do you take this young man to be your lawfully wedded husband in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, for better or for worse for as long as you both shall live?"_

_"Man," he laughed dropping his bottle, leaving a small stain on the carpet. "You must've been smoking something to ask that. Do you know how much he means to me? He's the only man who'll lend a shoulder for me to lean on. He'd be the poster boy for a secret lover. He's fun, smooth, and funny. Hot, too. Show hi-" he snorted. "Show him the smoulder."  
_

_"Alright, alright," he laughed. He looked down for a few seconds, looked up, and made come hither eyes and a flirty pout._

_Once straight up giggled like a schoolgirl. "See? Isn't he just cute?" He turned to the brides at the hall. "Your loss, ladies!" he shouted, causing them to roll their eyes._

_"If anyone has a reason these two should not wed," Al continued. "Speak now or forever hold your peace."_

_Eugene shushed the other couples from behind as he dropped_ his _bottle. "You hear that, people?"_

_"Not one word," Once-ler warned. They didn't have any words for this train wreck of a wedding._

_Al took out a box, removed the lid and presented the rings. "Place the rings on each other's fingers." Wiggins took the golden ring and placed on Fitzherbert's finger, and Fitzherbert placed the diamond ring on Wiggins' finger._

_"By the power vested in thee," the priest announced. "I now pronounce you husband and husband. You may now kiss the groom."_ _They instantly embraced each other and kissed for a full straight minute, much to the annoyance of the others. They took their photos to show off their rings._

_Then Eugene clumsily cut two slices of the cake and passed a slice to Once-ler and took the second slice for him. They crossed their arms to each other and fed each other the cake as the photographer took a photo again. "Let them eat cake, bitches!" Once-ler shouted waving his slice of cake in the air. He didn't know why, but Fitzherbert was turned on by this demeanor. "Oh, baby," he purred. "You're hot when you let loose."_

_They embraced each other again and dropped to the ground, breaking the table which held the cake, which was now smashed by them. They rolled from side to side, flattening the cake, as they were deeply tongue-wrestling. At one point they stopped and shoved another handful of the cake into each other's mouths and they were back to french-kissing with cake still in their mouths. This clearly disgusted the other couples, film crew, and even Al._

* * *

"By the way," said the priest. "If you're wondering where your original clothes are, they're in the lost and found in the office. We placed them there when you left in a limo, which was part of the wedding package."

Eugene was shaking his head, which was flat in his palms. He could not believe they did such a thing. Once-ler's emotions were filling up. First, it was shame. How could they embarrass themselves like this? The shame now turned to fury! How could this excuse of a priest allow this to happen? He turned to Al shooting daggers at him with anger! "What made you think it was a good idea to marry off two people who were FUCKING DRUNK?!"

The priest almost fell back to the ground! He couldn't imagine a beanpole having such a fury! "I-I-I didn't think there was a problem! You two are the first drunk couple to get married! In fact, the first couple to marry off!" he trembled with fear. "Besides, you two looked very happy at the ceremony."

"Happy?! We were wasted _before_ we even got here!"

"Don't you know it's illegal in Nevada to have two drunk people marry?!" The cop shouted! "Weren't you taught that?"

"N-never!" He shook. "I was never taught that." He thought of something. "Wait. Who are you to tell me if it's illegal or not?" He was getting defensive. "You're no cop."

"I'm from the Corona Police Department from Corona, Utah. I actually am."

Al instantly went pale! "Listen," he begged. "I swear I wasn't taught that. It was a small starting business in a run-down town outside of Vegas. There were a few employees down on their luck on the streets, including me. We were just starting the first chapter of the guidelines about setting up the chapel." He took a card out of his pocket with the business's name on it.

The cop observed the card and his facial features. He didn't look deceptive. His horror-stricken eyes gave it away. "It sounds like you have a shady teacher."

"Really?" he asked.

Fitzherbert took a pen and pad from the desk, wrote down his police department's number, as well as the men's personal numbers, and gave it to him. "If you find out anything else about the business you're in, let me know. They shouldn't prey on innocent people like you."

"Thank you so much officer," he knelt to him on his knees. "Is there anything I can do to fix this?"

"You need the marriage annulled or cancelled," said Once-ler. "We weren't capable of consenting to marriage."

"Right away," Al said instantly. "I don't know how long it'll take, but I'll call you once it's annulled. I'll ask Evelyn if she know how to do it."

"Thank you for your cooperation," Fitzherbert informed.

They walked out of the room, but Once-ler looked back at him and shot daggers one last time. "You're _very_ lucky you were unaware," he sneered. "But if you knew about the law, I swear-"

"Let it go, man." Eugene held his arm to calm him down. "He doesn't know. He was duped." They went on their way, despite their anger of the ordeal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ceremony inspired by https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13559937/1/What-happens-in-Vegas


	6. Sweet Live Honeymoon

The traffic was too busy for a taxi, so they made a short walk at one point and took a bus. During their travel, they didn't even say anything to each other. They were still overwhelmed by their wedding night footage and the tension between them was thicker than the cake they ate last night. A few minutes later, they made a stop almost close to Bally's and made their second walk. Hopefully, there weren't any more surprises from last night.

They walked past an electronics store until..."Gentlemen!" They stopped a Russian-accented shout, turned, and saw an old lady. She wore black glasses, gray hair in a bun, white t-shirt that says I Love LV, and a brown skirt.

"Us?" Once-ler asked.

"Yeah!" she smiled. "The newlyweds!"

"Great. The evening that wouldn't die," Eugene mumbled quietly to himself in annoyance, rubbing the bridge of his nose, as they walked towards her. "You saw us come he-"

She instantly shushed them. "We can't talk outside," she whispered. "Nana explain more inside in my office." She led them inside as they followed her. There were all kind of electronics in the store being shelved by three employees, who were staring at them and made giggling whispers. Among the products were cameras and projectors. They must've been here, alright. They were led inside her office. They sat in the two chairs as she sat in her chair.

"Like he was saying," said Once-ler. "You saw us come here last night?"

"Did I?" she chuckled.

Eugene was a little skeptical. "How did you know we were here?"

"You two came from a limo. You were wearing the tuxedo and-"

"I was wearing the dress?" Once interrupted with a little embarrassment.

"That's right. I caught a glimpse of the wine bottles you were holding as you got out." She waved her finger in a joking manner. "You two _really_ had a lot to drink last night."

"Yeah," Eugene replied rubbing the back of his neck. "We woke up in a wrong hotel with no memory."

"Must've been a nasty hangover."

"It was," Once groaned remembering it. "We spent the day retracing our steps."

"Speaking of which," Nana said. "You made a stop here to make a purchase."

"Did they happened to be a camera and a projector?" Once-ler asked.

"How did you know?" Nana asked.

"I found them in the hotel when I woke up first," said Eugene.

"And we had a feeling when we saw you sell cameras and projectors here seconds ago," said Once-ler. "We don't remember being here last night."

She adjusted her glasses. "Well, you two came stumbling here to buy a projector and camera. You mentioned about wanting to broadcast your love to the world."

The hair on the back of Eugene's neck was starting to rise. "B-broadcast our love?" he asked with worry.

"Apparently," she smirked. "You see..." She paused. "You've broadcasted your entire honeymoon."

Once-ler was quickly turning pale! "We...we what?" he squeaked with dread.

"You've broadcasted your entire honeymoon," Nana repeated. "For the whole Strip to see using the Bally's building as a screen. I had no idea about until one of my employees, Spartacus, showed me the video of it this morning. Someone edited it to show the video and the lookers' reactions." She pulled out her cellphone from her pocket, clicked the YouTube app, and placed it on her cell stand. She got up to view it with them. "Take a look at this shit."

It was on YouTube?!

* * *

_Projected on the side of Bally's was a large video of Eugene adjusting the camera and projector to the right angle, catching the eyes of pedestrians, and Once-ler under the covers on the bed smiling at him as his iPod was playing on the stereo. "Perfect," he slurred a little. He got up and jumped into the covers, dog-piling on Once, making both laugh. Then they French-kissed each other._

_"Oh, Eugene," Once-ler cooed. "This is the best night of my life."_

_"Mine, too, Mr. Fitzherbert" purred Eugene. "But it's not over yet."_

_They were now embracing each other. Their tongues were wrestling. Their hands were caressing all over each other from their hairs to their backs. Soft moans of passion could be heard._

_This was not hard to miss. Parents shielded their kids' eyes. Some people pulled out binoculars._

_Eugene suddenly pulled the covers off them, sat on his knees, smirked and took off his boxers, tossing it behind him, displaying his cock. "You want this, don't you, baby?"_

_Once-ler licked his lips hungrily. "Fuck yeah." He embraced his hips, opened his mouth while adjusting his tongue to block the bottom teeth, and slowly stuck the tip in his mouth. He pulled and thrust slowly at first but then picked up the pace until he reached part of the shaft._

_This got more attention! Gasps echoed the small streets! An elderly_ _woman at the Eiffel Tower fainted as her husband caught her. There were shouts of 'Holy shit!' from college students watching from their hotel room. A cab driver did a double-take and crashed into a lamp post! Thankfully, he was unharmed. People pulled out their phones to record it!_

_Eugene grabbed the back of his hair and pushed his head to make him suck deeper. This resulted in a few gags from Once, but he managed._

* * *

They had a lot of thoughts on their minds. The hotel they woke up in was next to their original one the whole time?! They must've been so hungover, they didn't even notice, but that wasn't the worst part. This was on YouTube! Someone actually uploaded it on YouTube!

* * *

_Fitzherbert savored thrust after thrust as much as Once-ler did. He rolled his eyes as he was close to coming. "Shit," he groaned with ecstasy. He at last climaxed! Each drop filled Once-ler's mouth. He continued thrusting to suck every drop of seed until he swallowed. There were a few laughs coming from most of the female viewers in the streets, who were clearly enjoying it._

* * *

Once was this close to throwing up again as he gagged!

"There's more" Nana adjusted the video's timeline.

"More?" they both asked, sweating in fear.

* * *

_Once-ler, now butt naked himself, was now passionately moaning as he was being fucked crazy by Eugene doggy style! Eugene almost growled as Once was close to drooling!_

_More viewers, more women than men, came to watch, sitting on the sidewalks and concrete floors. There were also viewers in the hotels, too, as they opened their windows to see._

_"Fuck, Once-ler," he gritted through his teeth. "You're tight." He suddenly grabbed his long arms and they went faster, groaning louder!_

_There were light claps and cheers from the ladies!_

* * *

_Eugene was fucking Once-ler again in a Sagittarius position on the desk while Once-ler was stroking himself at the same time! Sweat was starting to drip from their brows. "Like it when I fuck you?" Eugene panted._

_"Fuck. Me. Raw!" he hollered._

_The ladies outside were now on their chairs or blankets were now having drinks to enjoy the show!_

* * *

"Here's my favorite part," she giggled.

* * *

_Eugene was spanking Once-ler's ass not once, not twice, but thrice! Smack! Smack! Smack!_

_The ladies were now whooping. One shouted "Keep it up! My God!"_

* * *

Nana giggled. "I always loved that."

They didn't pay attention to her. They were still glued to the video as she adjusted the timeline again.

* * *

_Once-ler was sitting on the bed with his eyes filled with lust as Eugene was sucking him now! He held his head and pushed it down to make him suck him deeper!_

_Other people watching from their balconies now had bags of popcorn like a movie!_

_"That's right," huffed Once-ler. "Suck it!" Next thing he knew, Eugene's mouth was filled with_ his _semen until his cheeks puffed! Now the men were viewing it for laughs!_

* * *

Eugene, Once-ler, and Nana were far from the only ones viewing the video. It was on the news before they even saw it! Back at the Corona Police Department, Gunther busted in through the entrance, attracting the attention of the other guys. "Guys, you're not gonna believe this!" he bellowed as he pulled his cell from his pocket and played the video. "It's the chief!" The men immediately got up from their seats and their jaws were on the ground!

"No way!"

"Rider?!"

It was true. It was their highly respected chief getting banged by his dear friend on the headboard on their knees!

"I somehow had a feeling," Shorty said casually, getting confused looks from their faces.

* * *

Once-ler family saw it, too. "Mom! Grandma!" Ted shouted running down the stairs with his cell in his hand. "You gotta see this! It's-"

However, he saw their eyes glued to the T.V. The news of the video was already playing with Eugene fucking Once-ler in a butter churner position. His grandma Norma's jaws dropped until her dentures fell out of her mouth!

His mom, Helen, was staring, mouth-agape, gasping, and she fainted dead away!

* * *

"No way!" Gru, the Wiggins' neighbor, shouted in disbelief.

"That can't be..." Lucy said eyes wide as saucers.

They saw the video on the news, too.

Their daughters came down the stairs hearing their shouts. "What is it?" Margo shouted in concern.

In a flash, Lucy scooted them out of the living room. "Don't look at the video, girls."

Gru's brother, Dru, was also looking at the video, wide-eyed and bending his head at the very odd position Once-ler was in being fucked by Eugene. "I had no idea Once could bend that way." He laughed. "Looks like his yoga classes paid off." Gru only shot him a dirty look.

* * *

At Rapunzel's house, she, Cassandra, Lance, and her parents saw the video on the news too!

Rapunzel was just speechless on the couch as much as her dad by the kitchen.

"Isn't that-?" Lance dropped his coffee cup.

"Your ex?" her mom gasped.

Cass smirked. "I suspected. Shouldn't be surprised."

They slowly turned and stared at her in confusion. "What? You don't think their tension was palpable?"

* * *

In her room at her house, Stalyan, Eugene's second ex was watching the video on her cell with amusement and chuckled. "He's still limber."

* * *

_Once was now riding Eugene's dick in the cowboy position! Their faces were now drenched in sweat as they were puffing and grunting!_

_Pizza deliveries were being passed to some of the viewers box after box to enjoy the show! Even the deliverers couldn't help but stare in shock and awe._

_"Yeah, go for it!" a woman shouted._

_"That's hot stuff!" laughed a man._

_"Who's the rider now?" Once-ler teased smugly! At one point in arousal, he scratched Fitzherbert's chest until it nearly bled!_

* * *

He looked in his shirt and stared at his chest again. That explains the scratch marks.

* * *

 _Finally, Once-ler was lying on his back in bed as Eugene was fucking_ him _! The cop embraced his back and the thneed creator embraced the back of his neck and he wrapped his legs around him underneath the sheets! Their shouts were now drowning out the squeaking of the bed mattress! One final bang later, their climatic yelling nearly shattered the window as they rolled their heads back and arched their backs!_

_They collapsed on each other, catching their breaths for a few minutes._

_"That," Once panted. "Was incredible."_

_"Fucking A," sighed Eugene._

_Once-ler lightly laughed. "Not bad for a...couple of virgins."_

_Eugene stroked his newlywed's raven hair. "Well...ex virgins, now."_

_They were now kissing each other one last time as the camera and projector shut off. Completely exhausted from the lovemaking, they tuck themselves in as they drifted off, facing each other. Suddenly, they heard a very loud applause from their open window._

_"What's going on outside?" mumbled Wiggins as he placed his arm on his lover's chest._

_"Cirque du Soleil must be touring here again," Fitzherbert yawned._

* * *

The men were stiff as statues and looked like they saw ghosts! That explained why people were secretly laughing at them! That explains why they were mocking lewd sex gestures at them!

"Looks like you two made a sex tape," Nana shrugged. "A live sex tape, on top of that. Probably the first ever."

"How-" Eugene's brain felt like shutting down! "How long have we been doing that?" They were so shocked; they didn't focus on the video's duration!

"An hour?" she replied, not sure herself.

Their eyes were close to bugging out!

She was quickly thinking the duration. "No wait," she clarified. "It was an hour and a half."

They looked at the views at the bottom of it and they nearly had heart attacks! Five million views and rising?!

"You're even on the news," she added.

Every color on Eugene was gone! "We're fucked."

Once-ler fainted until the chair tripped with him!

Nana got up from her seat and opened the door. "Spartacus!" she called out. "The smelling salts!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Some of the lines were from Harley Quinn and the sex tape thing was inspired by Problem Child 2.


End file.
